Communication strategies

Pereira suggests using the GIVE strategies when you need to maintain a difficult relationship:

• Be gentle and courteous.

• Act interested and really listen to the other person.

• Validate where the other person is coming from.

• Use an easy manner when you communicate. Smile and use humor.

If you attempt to engage with a covert narcissist, consider Pereira’s strategies for effective communication. She calls the first the DEAR MAN strategy.

• Describe the situation factually.

• Express your feelings and perceptions about the situation.

• Assert yourself by asking for what you want or by saying no.

• Reinforce or reward by explaining the positive effects of getting what you want or need and the negative effects of not getting what you want or need.

• Stay mindful. Focus on your goals. Ignore distractions, including threats or attacks.

• Appear confident and effective.

• Negotiate and offer alternatives.

Protect yourself

Limiting your exposure to the narcissist is ideal, according to Miller.